


Be a dick with magic, get killed

by ratherthepoint



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Again gratuitous use of Sending as a form of psychological torture, Gen, Implied/Referenced Torture, Isn't that exciting!, Trent Ikithon Dies, but less than last time really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-27 23:48:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30130758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ratherthepoint/pseuds/ratherthepoint
Summary: When they would tell the story later, Beau would always insist that the moral was that using magic to be a dick purely out of spite meant you deserved to be killed. If Veth felt like causing a little chaos, she would argue that Beau was trivializing the matter, and they would’ve killed Ikithon eventually anyway even if he hadn’t sent those messages that day, and anyways Beau would totally be a dick with magic if she had it so it wasn’t like she was one to talk. Beau would get riled up and accuse her of defending Ikithon, and inevitably one of them would be threatening the other with the gun, so suffice to say they were both banned from telling the story.The fact was, though, that Ikithon had decided to send a message on that day, and it had been the straw that finally broke the burned, exhausted, and guilty-ridden Moorbounder’s back (“you’re losing the metaphor there, Caddy”), and it had ended with a certain archmage dead. But that was an oversimplification, of course. There was quite a bit more to the story.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 75





	Be a dick with magic, get killed

**Author's Note:**

> I did not proofread this one final time because CR is starting and I want to watch a bit. It's been a week. I mean, that's true of all weeks during Dedicated, but still. 
> 
> Anyways, I apparently have exactly two head canons, which is 1. Trent using Sending to be a dick and 2. Astrid being in trouble. So this time, I stuck them together with bonus Trent dying! Fun for all but mostly extremely self-indulgent for me

When they would tell the story later, Beau would always insist that the moral was that using magic to be a dick purely out of spite meant you deserved to be killed. If Veth felt like causing a little chaos, she would argue that Beau was trivializing the matter, and they would’ve killed Ikithon eventually anyway even if he hadn’t sent those messages that day, and anyways Beau would totally be a dick with magic if she had it so it wasn’t like she was one to talk. Beau would get riled up and accuse her of defending Ikithon, and inevitably one of them would be threatening the other with the gun, so suffice to say they were both banned from telling the story.

The fact was, though, that Ikithon _had_ decided to send a message on that day, and it _had_ been the straw that finally broke the burned, exhausted, and guilty-ridden Moorbounder’s back ( _“you’re losing the metaphor there, Caddy”_ ), and it had ended with a certain archmage dead. But that was an oversimplification, of course. There was quite a bit more to the story.

\-------  
The hour after arriving at the Evening Nip was a rush of activity. After exchanging awkward and stilted pleasantries (two words Jester had _never_ used to describe her Mama), the Gentleman and Marion had retired to a quiet table in the back corner to talk privately. Jester, whose face suggested that this development was better than her birthday and Winter’s Crest and Travelercon all in one, had to be forcibly held back from trying to spy on them. The Mighty Nein had gotten Yeza and Luc settled in a room upstairs and convinced Veth to move to the room across the hall for discussions with them. Veth had reluctantly agreed, only because the doors remained open and she could hear her son’s sweet voice echoing as he explored his new lodgings. Once settled, the Plane Shift and Happy Fun Ball groups took turns catching each other up on what they had missed. Finally, the talks turned to next steps. 

Fjord spoke first. “Ok, we need to make a plan. We have, what, like… four days left before we need to be back in Aeor? And we wanted to check on Caduceus’ family, and maybe stop by to talk to the Bright Queen. Anything else?”

“Kill Trent,” Veth said from her spot next to the open door.. 

“Well, ok, yeah. I agree, of course, but is that a priority before we go back to Aeor?” Fjord asked.

“We’re gonna need time to plan that one,” Beau said. “More than we planned the heist, at least. He won’t be easy to take out.”

“Maybe after Aeor, Essek can come back and help us? He didn’t seem to like Trent either,” Yasha suggested. 

Jester bit her lip. “I want to get Mama back home as soon as possible, and we can’t leave her on her own while he’s still around,” she said. 

At this, Veth turned to her in mock outrage. “I thought you wanted her here with the Gentleman! That’s the whole reason we came here!”

“Well, _yeah_ , but I’ve done my part. Now it’s up to them,” Jester said airly, and Veth laughed. 

“I know we had considered asking Astrid and Eadwulf to come with us to Aeor.” Caleb pulled them back on target. “That may be difficult, now. They will not be able to help us again so soon.”

“But you thought they might help us take on Ikithon, right?” Fjord asked. “Astrid, at least.” Caleb nodded, and Fjord continued. “I’m still a little iffy on trusting them, but they did take a risk warning us.”

“Oh, shit, Fjord, you guys didn’t see!” Jester said. “After you guys went into the ball, Caleb was casting the spell, and then Astrid just _showed up_ at the door. But she didn’t do anything! She was gonna Counterspell, right Caleb? I recognized it” Again, the wizard nodded. “But she let us go.”

“She _let_ you go?” Fjord asked in surprise. “Like, she wasn’t just too late, she actively chose not to stop you.”

“She could have Counterspelled the Plane Shift. She did not,” Caleb said.

“Well, damn,” Beau said. “That changes things. That’s a hell of a lot more bold than just delivering a warning.”

“It was… risky. I am concerned for her,” Caleb admitted. “If she wasn’t careful, Ikithon will be very displeased.”

They all paused, considering what his displeasure might look like. No one had to say that it would be bad. 

“Ok, so maybe that does change our calculations,” Beau forged on. “If we think they’ll help us…”

The others continued talking, planning, but Caleb didn’t hear them anymore. For the fourth time in two days, Trent’s familiar, sleek voice had slipped its way into Caleb’s mind. _“I must admit, I’m becoming quite impatient with these childish antics. Such disrespect to the person who you owe so much to.”_

“I owe nothing to you,” Caleb snapped fiercely - more fiercely, perhaps, than he would have if Marion’s words were not still ringing in his ears. _(“Good people are easy to be misled to think they’re at fault for the things that bad people use to victimize them” - it shouldn’t feel like something Caleb understood, something Caleb recognized in himself, and yet…)_

Discussions stuttered to a halt as everyone turned to look at Caleb. Veth was the first to recognize what had happened. “Is Trent messaging you _again_?” She scoffed. “Does this asshole just wake up and think to himself ‘Hmm, today I’d like to cause problems on purpose’?”

“I wanna kill him so bad,” Yasha said to no one in particular. The rest murmured their agreement anyway.

Beau, though, was silent. Her head was cocked, eyes narrowed as she looked at Caleb, seeming deep in thought. 

“What is it, Beauregard?”

“He messaged you more than once, last time, right?” She asked slowly. “So he might message you again?”

“No, he won’t, Caleb,” Jester said fiercely. “I’ll find a way to make it stop, I promise. Maybe Arty will know.”

“No, don’t,” Beau said, still thoughtful, ignoring the look Jester shot at her. “I think… I think this might be what we’re looking for.”

Caduceus let out a chuckle. “Ah, I see. Yes, that’s a good plan.” The two of them shared a conspiratorial glance. 

“Uh…” Fjord glanced between the two of them. “I understand too, of course, but for Veth’s sake, maybe explain?” Veth, distracted again by the giggles of a four-year-old running down the hall, ignored him. 

Before she could, though, Caleb froze as another message wormed his way into his head. _“Bren, let’s leave this pettiness behind us. I have given you so much; I would give you more, if you would simply talk to me.”_

Caleb shook his head, preparing a response, but stopped as Beau hissed at him, “Whatever he said, keep him talking. Make him want to respond.” He didn’t know what she was planning, but he trusted her. So instead of the scathing reply he had already half-formed, he responded with a forced measured tone, “What…. Do you want to know, then, if all you want is to talk?”

When he felt the spell fizzle out, he looked at Beau and said simply, “Explain.”

“We all agree that he’s a pretentious dick who always needs the last word, right?” she asked. Somewhat rhetorically, but heads nodded anyways. “He’s only doing this because he thinks it’ll either mess with Caleb’s mind, or because he actually does want something from him. Either way, though, if he think it’s working even a little bit, he’s going to try to press that advantage.” She looked at Jester now. “How many times can you cast Sending?”

Jester seemed surprised by the change in thought. “Um, well, three times normally, but if I _really_ wanted to, I could cast it…” she paused, counting in her head. “Thirteen times total? That would be wasting some pretty high powered spells, though.”

Caleb seemed to catch her thought process at this point. “He would not be foolish enough to waste all of his spells on this,” he said. 

“Not all of them, no,” she responded. “But he’s already sent two. What’s a few more? A couple Sendings, some spells throughout the day to deal with the shit we left at the Sanitorium, and things start to add up. He’s not gonna tap himself out with a little spell here or there. But…” here, her eyes began to gleam. “Why would he bother preparing to fight us _today_ , when even we wouldn’t be stupid to show our faces in Rexxuntrum the day after we barely escaped him?”

“ _Hell_ yes,” Fjord said emphatically. “That’s brilliant. We kick his ass today, when he least expects it.” Beau grinned, and the two high fived. 

“He is not just a harmless sitting duck,” Caleb retorted. “Even if he does not expect us, he is not one to be caught unawares. He will be prepared either way.”

“Sure,” Beau agreed. “But what’s better? Saving the fight for another day, when we have no idea how fresh he is? Or showing up today, when we might have a slimmer of chance at getting the jump on him, and when we know he’s down at least a couple of spells.”

“We don’t know where he is,” Caleb said, but he seemed less firm. “There’s no advantage if we can’t follow his movements and pick the battlefield.”

“I can message Astrid,” Jester said quietly. “Maybe she can get him alone and let us know.”

“If he doesn’t message you again, then that’s fine. We save our move for another day. But if he does…” Beau trailed off suggestively, and Caleb sighed. 

“He will. You are right, I have given him an advantage, and he will press it. He’s probably only waiting now to throw me off balance.” Beau looked smug. 

“Ok, hands up. Who thinks we should try for it today?” Fjord raised his hand as he spoke. The clerics followed, Caduceus saying, “I think it’s the best plan we’ve had in a while.”

Yasha lifted her hand too. “I told you, I’ll kill him as soon as you’re ready.” 

Veth, glancing out the hallway towards her husband and son, said, “He’s fucked over my family enough. I’m ready.”

Beau looked at Caleb. “It’s your call. We won’t do it, if you’re not ready. But I think this is one of the best shots we’ll get at having the element of surprise.”

Caleb sighed deeply, running his hands over his face. They had been running from place to place for so many days, and he just wanted a _break_. But with the threat of Trent forever hanging over him, he could never really rest anyway. And he was so damn tired of looking over his shoulder for Trent’s next move. 

“Ok. Let’s do it. Jester, will you message Astrid?” She nodded, her fingers already flying through the motions of the spell. Right then, Caleb tensed, his eyes looking into the distance as he seemingly received another message. He murmured a quiet response while Jester spoke through her spell.

“We’re coming for him. Today. If you truly want to help, tell us where to find him and when. Otherwise... stay out of our way.”

As they waited for a response, a lilting voice said, “I think this is a wonderful plan, by the way.” Everyone jumped and swore as Artagan appeared right behind Jester, hands on her shoulders. She laughed, but held up a finger. “Shhhh, I’m _concentrating_ ….”

The response came. _“Good. He has called Eadwulf and I to meet at his office at dinnertime. We believe he is... suspicious, from yesterday. What do you need?”_

Jester quickly relayed the information to the group. “Caleb, what do you think?”

He frowned, considering. “If he is suspicious that they have helped us, he will question them, test their loyalty. It will not be…. ah, pleasant for them.” He paused for a moment, then said, “However, if they are willing, they could… use that to our advantage. Guide him into using more spells, to weaken him before we arrive.”

“Just so we’re clear,” Beau said slowly. “They’re going in knowing he’s going to torture them, which is already just… so fucked, and you want to ask them to let him torture them more, just so that he can be weaker for us? That’s gonna be a tough sell.”

Caleb met her eyes steadily. “If they are as committed to wanting him dead as we are, then they will not hesitate to do what is necessary.” He gave a dark smile. “That is what he trained us to do, after all.”

Even Artagan looked somewhat disturbed by his words, as Jester focused on another Sending. “Try to get him to use some spells, so he’s weaker when we arrive.” She paused, considering her next words and the 10 fingers Fjord held up. “Can we trust you? Will you choose Caleb over him?”

“Hey, uh, Artagan?” Beau was saying. “You can like, go places and do stuff we can’t. How ‘bout you show up and just… kill Trent for us?”

“That sounds like…. A _lot_ of work,” Artagan said. “Much more your speed, I think. How about I stay here, and prepare victory mimosas for when you return?”

“Whatever,” Beau grumbled. “You’ll probably drink them all before we get back, anyways.”

Jester heard Astrid’s response just as Artagan flicked Beau in the nose, then disappeared with a final laugh as Beau lunged towards him. 

_“Whose poison do you think has made him so weak these past months?”_

Jester laughed out loud and turned to Caleb. “She’s the best, Caleb. I really hope you get back with her, because if you don’t then I’m going to have to break up with Fjord so that I can date her, and he already gave me this nice ring so that would just be mean.”

Fjord looked like he wanted to object, but then considered and shrugged as if to say, fair. Caleb blushed scarlet down to his neck. “I, ah… um…. We should get going, ya? Lots to prepare.”

\------

Astrid wasn’t particularly sure she would’ve picked today to try to assassinate one of the most powerful mages on the continent, but in a perfect world she also wouldn’t have picked to be sort-of allies with the Mighty Nein, so. She would make do. She was a gods-damned _professional_ , after all.

She hoped they had a better plan for this than they had for the Sanitorium breakin, at least. Although she supposed it didn’t really matter at this point, anyways. She and Eadwulf were in such deep shit with Ikithon after yesterday that they didn’t have many options left. 

He hadn’t said anything to them, of course. When she had returned downstairs in the Nicodranisain’s tower and reported that she had been too late to stop the Mighty Nein, he had merely given her a Look and turned on his heel to lead them away. She and Eadwulf exchanged a look, and the warning in his eyes was as clear to her as if he had spoken it out loud. 

_“He will not tolerate this failure.”_

Astrid had simply given him a short, crisp nod before following their master.

It didn’t really matter whether or not he knew of the warning they had given, or that Astrid had indeed made it up the tower stairs in time. Their failure alone was already enough to peak his simmering rage. So Astrid wasn’t surprised the next morning when a message was delivered at her house in Rexxentrum requesting her presence at Trent’s office that evening. She was eating late breakfast sedately at her table when Eadwulf entered, let in by the servants who knew him well. 

“You were called as well?” She asked, seeing the paper clutched in his hand. “Damn. I thought he may only blame me.” Not that she was really surprised.

Eadwulf gave her a half smirk as he took a seat and helped himself to some of her food. “You know it’s both of us or neither.”

She did. Eadwulf had always been loyal to a fault, and the fact that Astrid (and, once, Bren) was the one who owned that loyalty had always galled their master. There was nothing that Wulf did in particular, that made this clear - he had always followed Trent’s orders without fail, without question. But anyone who knew them - and no one knew them as well as Trent - could see it. 

No matter how thoroughly Trent had tried to train _(- beat, torture, break -)_ it out of them, the three of them had always been a trio. Trent allowed it at first, thinking the competition of training would break them apart. But every training, every trial, every punishment simply deepened the bond between them. He hadn’t seemed to realize his mistake until Bren had broken, and a piece of Astrid and Eadwulf broke with him. 

It was one of the rare mistakes Trent had ever made, and it was why Trent no longer took students of the same age, from the same town. He was unwilling to allow such a weakness in any of his future students. The best he could do with Astrid and Eadwulf, though, was ensure that they both faced the consequences of each other’s failures. 

“I received a message this morning, from a… friend.” Astrid wasn’t willing to speak plainly in front of her servants, no matter how well she paid them. She knew some of them were on Trent’s payroll too. But Eadwulf understood anyway, his eyes widening slightly.

“She said that they would like to more forward with their plans here. Today. This evening.” She sipped her tea, allowing Eadwulf to take in her words.

“That’s a dumbass idea,” he said bluntly. Honestly, she didn’t disagree. “Now? After everything?”

She shrugged. “There will never be a perfect time. I’m sure they have their reasons.” Eadwulf looked skeptical. “They seemed to have a plan.”

“Literally nothing we have seen from them so far suggests that they ever have a plan,” he said.

“They managed well enough this far.”

“Yes, because of us.”

“Well, good thing we will be there then.” She watched him carefully, knowing he wouldn’t like this part of the plan. 

“And what, exactly, is our role in this?” He asked. 

“I told them where we will be tonight. We will serve as… distraction. Or bait, whatever you prefer.”

“I repeat: this is a dumbass plan,” he said, struggling to keep his voice low. “They will fail, and we will be caught right in the middle of it.”

“Wulf…” she took his hands from across the table. “We have been preparing for this. But before, we were preparing to be alone. It may not be the… most ideal time, but we will have help. In all of our plans, that was never an option.”

“You will die,” he whispered. “If they fail, if you are there, he will kill you. Not me - you.”

“Then you will bring me back,” she said with forced lightness. She had considered it, of course. And she had decided it was still worth it.

“Sassa, please -”

“I know the risks, Wulf. We’ve known the risks since we were children. But I’m tired of waiting for a perfect moment which might never come. If we don’t do it now, we never will.”

Eadwulf sighed deeply, closing his eyes. She watched as his lips moved in a silent prayer to the Raven Queen. Then his eyes opened, and he looked at her with resolve. “Ok. Fuck it. Let’s go.”

\--------  
The fight was over so quickly it couldn’t even really be called such. One subtle Sending from Eadwulf while Trent was focused on Astrid, and suddenly the room was full to bursting with nine very angry opponents. Trent, surprised, managed to let off one bolt of lightning which bounced from Caleb to Jester to Veth to Fjord before Beau slammed the collar around his throat. The mage opened his mouth, preparing the motions for another spell, and nothing came out.

For the first time in Caleb’s life, he saw a glimpse of fear in his former teacher’s eye. 

Everything seemed to freeze for a moment. There was utter silence as Caleb stared at the old man in front of him. He felt like he should have said something, and yet…. There was nothing he wanted to say. 

So instead, he raised his hand, and the stillness broke as spells and crossbow bolts and swords flew all at once, and the body of Trent Ikithon fell to the floor with a cold finality. 

There was another pause, this time broken by Jester. She darted forward and took a savage swing at the dead man’s neck with her axe. 

“Jester, he’s dead,” Fjord said gently, moving forward as if to stop her. 

“Yeah, and he’s gonna stay that way.” Jester paused to look at the others. “You can’t Revivify a body without a head.”

Yasha stepped forward, Holy Avenger in her hand. “May I - Caleb, do you mind?” she looked at Caleb, who managed to nod. Jester stepped back to allow Yasha space. With one massive heave, Yasha brought the blade down, slicing cleanly through the neck in one blow. She glanced up with satisfaction deep in her eyes. “I’ve wanted to do that for so long.”

Caleb simply stood, unsure of what to do with himself. The man who had adored, feared, hated… was dead. It was what he had wanted for so long, and yet….

“Caleb, hey. You good?” Caleb realized Beau had appeared next to him, reaching out and placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. He wasn’t sure how to answer her, but she seemed to sense that. “It’s ok. You don’t have to… know how to feel right now. It’s a lot.”

“No, I am… glad,” he managed to say. It was true. Mostly. Beau simply nodded. “That’s ok too, then.”

Dimly, he was aware of Jester whispering quietly to a similarly stricken Astrid, of Caduceus’ soothing voice speaking to Eadwulf. Caleb pulled himself away from Beau, stepping across the room to reach out to Astrid. She took his offered hand without hesitation, and Caleb felt Eadwulf’s solid presence join them to grab their remaining hands. 

They stood quietly, heads leaned in, breath mingling. It had been so long since they had stood like this, taking comfort in each other, and yet it somehow still felt natural. 

He quickly ran his eyes over them. Eadwulf seemed relatively untouched, but Astrid was holding herself carefully, having clearly borne the brunt of Trent’s wrath before the Mighty Nein had arrived. She noticed his stare, and only gave a small shake of her head, telling him she was fine. 

“Thank you,” he whispered to their small circle. He felt both of their hands squeeze his. He gave himself one more, two more breaths before finally straightening his head. The others followed suit, their eyes hardening as they left their momentary respite to deal with what was next. 

“We will take care of it,” Astrid said, with a nudge of her chin towards the body on the floor. “You all may go.”

Jester spoke up then. “Will you get in trouble? You can come with us.”

“No, it is better that we stay here,” Eadwulf said. “We have prepared for this. There is much to do to ensure the power transitions to… where we want it to go.” His eyes stayed firmly on Jester, but Caleb felt the smallest twitch in Astrid’s hand and knew who they intended to take the power. 

“You are welcome to join us in Aeor, when you are done,” Caleb said quietly. “Our next goal will probably get us killed, but,” he gave a wry half-smile, “We have never been good at letting that stop us.”

Astrid and Eadwulf exchanged a look full of meaning, and Caleb felt a pang that he couldn’t read it. Once, he had been fluent in their unspoken language of cautious glances.

“We will message you,” Astrid said. “I think… we would like to join you, eventually.”

Caleb gave them a quick nod, burying his overwhelming emotions deep in his chest. He moved to center himself within the Mighty Nein, gesturing for them to prepare for Teleportation. They gathered around him, Jester using her free hand to wave at Astrid and Eadwulf. “See you soon, guys!” she called, just as the Mighty Nein vanished.

**Author's Note:**

> I love pics where Trent dies with absolutely no fight. It's very satisfying to me. I hope it is to you too.


End file.
